- Always begin with God and His written word! When I was feeling lonely, incomplete, and looking for a young woman whom I could marry, it soon became obvious that I could not find that one “right” girl for me. In dating various girls, I eventually learned that first impressions were not necessarily proof that this was the one. Like many young men, I looked first at the “outward appearance”. In His grace, God saved me from this unwise way in making correct decisions. So, wise words such as Psalm 32:8-9 became important tools for me in finding the right life mate. God knew the heart of a young woman named Sandra and how we could complement each other and experience fulfillment within God’s plan. Once I trusted the Lord to direct me, my path to His choice for me became much clearer!
- View your prospective life mate from God’s perspective, from a spiritual viewpoint. A person may look very attractive or handsome in the body but be the opposite in their attitude, character, and spiritual demeanor.
- Ask wise friends and other Christians to share their observations of the two of you together. Do they sense that you both love God and that you are willing to be partners who compliment each other, not competitors who might use and/or abuse the other?
- Once you do marry, determine that you and your spouse will make God your first priority. If you grow in your love for the Lord Jesus, you will then grow in your love for each other. Sandra and I have truly experienced the joy of Christ as we determine not to use the other for selfish purposes but choose to serve each other for the glory of God. As Philippians 2:3 teaches, we strive to treat the other spouse as more important than ourselves. So, I want to serve God, then to serve Sandra in any and every situation so that she can become all that God desires her to be. So, as Ephesians 5:21-33 tells us, healthy marriage is always based on the practise of Christ-like sacrificial love and respect, never based on mere feelings!
- Our decision to marry never included the option of divorce. Both Sandra and I saw marriage as permanent — “until death do us part”. We chose to love each other—a total commitment regardless of the circumstances. If you go into a marriage thinking that you can opt out if you don’t like it, your marriage will be a failure from the beginning. Know God’s will. If you allow Him to lead you, you will grow and blossom in a life-long relationship! Look for gracious character, not superficial charisma.
- We know that the best environment to raise children to know the Lord is for them to see how we, as their parents, love each other even when or if we disagree on anything.
- Sandra and I now see our marriage as a permanent exclusive covenant relationship that
reflects the community of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and not a convenient arrangement just to supply our individual wants!